What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 00:02
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me?
What did i know ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why is Canada letting too many Indians in Canada?
So, i spoilt her more .
We were not on the streets..
My life is so biszare .
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When she asked me how she looked .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Have you ever had a scary dream about a loved one or friend soon after their death?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do black people prefer thick, curvy women?
One cannot live in the past .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Is it true that all men want a woman who looks like an Instagram “model”?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But, we were locked up after school.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I have no regrets .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it wasn’t much.
She loved him until the end.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We all went to grammer schools
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was very sick at this time too.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Who then, do I blame.?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She found it foreign!.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I waited trembling.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It was going to be , some day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was scared of men, in general
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Comes on , in middle age.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I never cut or harmed myself..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I couldn’t, believe it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He knew the spot.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I don,t even have a pension.
Put me off passion for life!!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He resisted the act ,that day.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was 9 years of age.
Would this be the day?
So whats the point in blame.
I write beautiful poetry .
I said to her
I will be 64.
She was in good health!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is soul school!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was seconnd youngest,
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ive learnt so much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She married twice! .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I think the readers, may guess!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My family never makes their pension either.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And i lived it daily.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She wouldn,t have been !
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im still living with it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.